Parsing today's news, I see that Twitter has announced a new platform that does some stuff. I wish I could tell you what it was, but the press reports are so vague that I don't understand! For example, VentureBeat reports that “Twitter CEO Ev Willams demonstrated a new platform today that will spread the microblogging network's proifles, tweets, and possibly advertising across the Web.”

Okay. First, why is the VentureBeat reporter referring to Evan Willams as “Ev.” Is this to show they're buddies? Sheesh, amateur hour. Next, what the heck is this thing? Tweets will be everywhere. Aren't they already? And how are they doing this?

Some other takes on the Twitter “news,” which I think was announced at the rapidly devolving SXSW (South By Southwest) conference:

• TechCrunch's Michael Arrington is cringing at the fact that Twitter wants to do good. He should.
• Twitter has made some sort of announcement on its blog. “We’ve developed a new set of frameworks for adding this Twitter experience anywhere on the web.” ARGHHGHG. Can somebody actually tell me what this thing does!!!
• Ahh, now this is my cup of tea: The Evan Williams keynote actually sucked, and people bailed. (CNET)
• If you want to ask real questions (apparently the interviewer at SXSW didn't), here are some on Twitter itself (Mashable)

Alrighty, Twitter, everybody's talking about you. That's great. Now get on with it and do an IPO, to show that the technology markets can still drive the American economy.